I don't know what to think of the last blog entry, so let's move on.
I've been remiss re: posts; as so often happens, things less enjoyable get in the way.
THINGS LESS ENJOYABLE: A Brief History
I was laid off back in April. I worked for a reasonably prominent medical software company and cannot fault them for letting me go. I was a good worker, a hard worker, I received a scintillating performance review two weeks before getting the can...but I didn't have credentials. And this is something required in today's medical community. I lacked motivation regarding those required credentials, and it had something to do with my hatred of reading patient charts (my job, auditing and merging). So many terrible things happen to people, it keeps my own self-pity in check (most of the time).
In frantic pursuit of a job, I acquired another quickly, but had to go through the motions required of anyone touching medical records...background checks, fingerprinting, blood tests, vaccinations. Takes a long time. And by the time the two months of tests had passed, I no longer wanted the job. It dawned on me that staring at ER documents 12 hours a day just might drive me mad. Not that I haven't been a little bent already. It surprises me when I hear someone has been working in medical records for decades. They evidently have the best psychic defenses in the world (that or beware, because they're the most burned-out, not-caring crispy critters you'll meet). Not I.
At this point, it occurred to me that I may as well go with the gypsy mythos that's grown around me (long story, to be expanded upon another time in another fit of self-interest)...why not travel? I'm pretty sure I could always get some sort of under-the-table work. Might be dangerous, but shit: what's life if it isn't for living? I'm tired of the quotidian.
Thus in a frenzy of self-doubt and panic, I turned down the job (cementing their bad opinion of the company I originally worked for)...I arranged to see my family I haven't visited in ages, and put out feelers to friends in far-off places. The first person I thought of, a dear friend and good human being, wrote back positively.
And so here I am, 11 days from leaving California. It breaks my heart. I've never been so homesick - and haven't even left! But this will be good for me. I often think of the anime show "Kino's Journey", where her habit is to stay in a town no more than three days. Rationale being that after three days you begin to become attached. I can only agree. Though with me, it's perhaps more like three years.
"A smooth master of knowing when to disappear"
Another friend is presently going through a similar and yet much more convulsive move, and I'm always curious to find out how he is and what's happening. I need this parallel, I think, as things progress. Selfish, but there you have it.
As far as this blog is concerned, you will suddenly be lambasted with photos, videos, music, travel....I leave on September 4th.
THE PLAN GOES AS FOLLOWS:
Leaving for Las Vegas early Sept. 5th. Arriving for brunch. Staying for two days.
Leaving for Utah early Sept. 7. Arriving at hotel that night. Staying in Utah for two days...thinking Arches, Salt Lake/flats and Dinosaur Monument.
Leaving Utah the 9th and heading through Nebraska, which will be a LONG drive. Staying in Omaha with a friend, 1 day.
Leaving the 10th/11th and heading to Chicago, staying with a friend there for a day or two, ideally...though it may be a hotel and quick dinner with friends ^^ they're busy people!
Veering to St. Louis to visit a friend I've yet to meet.
Off to New York to see family. Staying in NY for two months.
Off to the UK to stay with a friend. Planning on taking trains to many of the surrounding cities and perhaps staying a weekend on this shore or that (this country or that - already have plans to visit Bourdeaux), if cost isn't prohibitive. Will certainly lurk about London. Thinking of visiting Edinburgh, though people have warned me off it and recommended Glasgow - they're forgetting I'm from the US and anything will do. It's all new and exciting.
A little overly so. Panic attacks, bad dreams, worry, stress. A constant slow low-level insomnia that hasn't stopped for a month. But I feel as though once I'm out there on the road, the excitement and glee will more than bandage all that.
In the spirit of things, I'm working on a mix (it's a long one!). It's a farewell to old loves, to friends, and a greeting to the new...and a maintaining of what I can.
"hello and goodbye and hello again"
coming soon, would that it could be put off a bit....
Usha Khanna: Bambai Ka Maharaja (1980)
2 years ago
